Admit.

Maybe I am having a mid-twenties crisis, but I have been thinking a lot about the past and what events transpired to get me to where I am today.


Being a youth group leader has really challenged me in a powerful way, to look at my own life through a lens of self-awareness, and figure out what exactly went wrong, to better aid my teens.


Bad relationships? Check.
Bad work ethic? Check.
Bad example of Christianity to others? Check.
Bad friends, that made me miserable? Check.
Bad choices where I looked to men to fulfill my own insecurities? Check.
Bad attitude, where I wallowed in self-pity? Check.


Good God, who saved me in spite of all my sins? Check.








Looking back on my life makes me cringe. I made so many mistakes, trusted so many people I shouldn't have, and was overall just a terrible person. I am ashamed of my own behavior and actions. I am embarrassed of how people remember me.


Admitting is the first step of healing, so here I am. Admitting that I was a lowly, worthless sinner, and still AM a lowly, worthless sinner.


2 Corinthians 5:17 states that if anyone is in Christ, behold! The old has gone, and the new has come!


So I guess it's time to let go of all my shame and embarrassment for the old Jenny.  I am a new creation in Christ, and I am proud of how far I have come.

Yet not I, but through Christ in me.

Sequel.

Oh, man.




I just went back through my old blogs, and there were some doozies in there! I didn't know whether to laugh, or crawl under my desk, of embarrassment.


And now here I am, a married old woman who found the love of her life, owns a house with a little white picket fence, who FINALLY got her college degree and works as an accountant for the government. And found her way back to Jesus.

I was so lost, but now I am found.




The past feels like a dream, or maybe a nightmare. My memories are like a movie, but the scenes are all jumbled up. I remember pieces, but I just can't grasp the plot.












I'm not even in the next chapter of life, I'm in the next book, and it's written by a totally different author.




God is good.